On Sunday morning we studied 1 Peter 3:1-6. I want to follow up that sermon by answering some questions a few ladies asked me about Peter’s instructions to wives. First, I’ll let you read the text again.
Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
3 Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—4 rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror.
In the sermon I showed you three qualities of an honorable wife:
- Winsome submission (1-2)
- Spiritual beauty (3-4)
- Robust faith (5-6)
Now, for your encouragement, I want to answer the questions the ladies asked me.
Q: What does it mean to adorn the inner person?
A: To adorn the inner person is to develop in your heart a love for God, longing for God’s glory, and a passion for His holiness. More than anything else in this world you want what God wants. And you know that God wants your heart more than anything else.
Q: Is it wrong to spend time on external beauty?
A: Capital N. Capital O. Physical beauty is often commended in Scripture. Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and you should take excellent care of it. Healthy eating, proper exercise, personal grooming, etc. are all legitimate and worthy disciplines in which you should regularly engage. Spending time on external beauty only becomes “wrong” when you prioritize external beauty over spiritual beauty and idolize physical appearance over the glory of God.
Q: Does “gentle and quiet spirit” mean shy and reserved?
A: I’ll answer that question with a question: Was Jesus shy and reserved? No. When Peter says that wives should be gentle and quiet, he is saying they should possess the same kind of demeanor as Jesus, who said, “I am gentle and lowly in heart” (Matt 11:29). The idea is that you are to have a soothing disposition and a gentle demeanor. You’re not boisterous or rude, but calming and careful in your communication.
Q: What does it look like to submit to a husband who seems to be unfaithful as a leader?
A: If you’re married to an unfaithful man I’m sure you live with a persistent pain in your heart. God intends for men to sacrificially love and lead their wives and women to joyfully love and serve their husbands. So when the husband is unfaithful to fulfill his calling, all kinds of problems ensue. However, God has a great plan even in this situation! He says, “Win your husband back to Me through your conduct.” Love him. Serve him. Listen to him. Care for his needs. Go out of your way to delight him. Don’t provoke him. Don’t pester him. Don’t rebel against his instructions. Rather, love God. Entrust yourself to God’s care. Pray for your husband every day! Believe the Gospel is the power of God unto salvation for all who will believe. And, finally, remember that your husband is not your Savior. Someone else has perfectly filled that role in your life already. So persevere, casting all your cares on Him for He cares for you.
Q: At what point does a wife seek help when he is not leading spiritually?
A: You should not be afraid to seek counsel from godly women or your pastors. If your husband is manifesting persistent sin patterns and you have lovingly addressed these with him to no avail, then you should seek the wisdom of mature Christians to help you and your husband (especially if he is a Christian). Too many couples wait to seek counsel until the marriage is so bad that bitterness, animosity, and even hatred have set in. Don’t do that! Look, we’re all sinners here. And we’re all in need of help at various times in our lives. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is that help. And your brothers and sisters in Christ are strategically positioned in your life to help you apply the Gospel to your difficult circumstances. So don’t be afraid to seek help.
I hope those answers help you. Many thanks to the ladies who were willing to ask the questions. This coming Sunday I will be preaching to the men from 1 Peter 3:7. I’m pretty pumped about it. Ladies, make sure your man makes it to the service!
Love y’all,
Ryan